Update Update Hear All About It

My nails are ghetto long again, so I feel more complete.  In their absence, my fingers felt like little nubs.  Like someone had cut half my finger off - carny folk little hands.  Those freak me out.

I'm reading Dante's Inferno again. It's been quite awhile so I'm excited about it.  Hell, which probably doesn't exist at all - is still more interesting to me than heaven could ever be.  Talk about boring...

I'm obviously still going through PTSD.  Post Taco Stress Disorder.  It's a real illness, I get it every time I'm not with her.  But I'll be keeping my head up, get my shit straight and keep barreling through like I always do.

It's nice to see the ocean outside again.  Welcomed by the palm trees and sand.  Flying back into LAX, the smog is always the strongest.  When you're in it and on the ground, you forget how hazy it truly is - just like most people in this city.

Back to the typical routine. Trying to make that money and take care of business while trying not to buy things I absolutely don't need but fucking want anyway.

I want to bleach my hair again.  Now that I have it this blonde, I want it more.  Then, when I was at my Mom's house, I found some awesome pictures of me with black hair.  Then I remembered how much more normal I feel with it.  It's been so long.  I feel like it will make me happy to do it.  But I know I won't.  Everyone would say not to.

"She dyed her hair black, maybe now she can relax - maybe the regulars will stare half as hard."

I missed Atmosphere while they were in Portland this last Sunday.  I knew I would because honestly, I'd still rather spend time with my dog than see my favorite artists ever.  I got it bad for that canine.  I was secretly hoping I would see Sean somewhere.  Eating with his family at a food spot, walking down the street with his son.  I'd want to be gay and ask him for a picture but I know I wouldn't at the same time.

I'm excited to sleep in this weekend.

I'm kind of excited for my birthday, but mostly not.  Birthdays are kind of whatever.  Yay, I was born! The years go by too fast now.  I wish I could control it. Time is a concept though, I often wonder if I could control it.  26 is closer to 30 than to 20.  Life is crazy.

Life is beautiful.  Especially with a cold beer.

Oh!  I got to smoke weed again too. AFTER 5 DAYS!