Heaven Sent Don't Wanna Walk Away

I do this thing where I pick a time period of my life and I'll just sit there and remember all of the memories that I possibly can about that period of time.  That one segment. 

It's an incredible thing.  The human mind.

At barely 26 years old, I have some of the best memories and some of the worst.  But no matter what, I love every, single inch of my life.

I'm happy tonight.

Maybe it's the beer.  Maybe it's the whiskey.  Maybe it's the Xanax.  Maybe it's the weird pills my Mom sent me.  I don't remember their name but they make you feel good.

But I'm happy.  I have a secret reason for being happy.  I'm never going to tell.

These moments though, the memories of so many different phases of life.  So many different versions of myself.  So many experiences I would go back to in a minute.  So many people, so many songs, so many drugs, so many nights, so much love, so much hate, so much work, I adore it all.

I love my mistakes.
I love my fights.
I love the struggles, the battles, the wins, the wars, the times that I never thought I'd get through.  The times that I felt like I could do anything.  The times I did do anything.  The times I did things no one thought I could.  The times I didn't do anything at all  The accomplishments.  The proud moments where you surprise yourself.

HOW COULD THINGS BE SO LOVELY AND SO AWFUL? HOW CAN THINGS BE SO UP AND DOWN?

Oh life, you are the most astounding thing I have ever come across.  I have met you before but not like this.  Not this time.  I have been here before but everything was different.  I'm convinced I was a wealthy boy.  In a different country.  I'm sure I was quite the gentleman.

Where do the substances begin and end?  I love a lot of things about life.  I also hate a lot of things about life.  The most ironic part is that mostly, they are the same.  Like an overlapping Venn Diagram.

I am the biggest contradiction.  I've said it one hundred thousand times.  Other people have told me more.  BUT WHO IS KEEPING TRACK? Not me.

This is the only moment there is.  Live and live and live and take life seriously enough to live but not enough to fear.  Fear is the biggest weakness you could have.