Dear Los Angeles,
My city of angels, my city of nightmares. You know how much I love you, right? You have helped to make me into the person that I am. I am rough and tough, like your prostitutes, gang members and police shoot outs. I am soft and serene, like your beaches and breeze.
My heart is made up of palm trees, power lines, sunsets and dirty streets. My veins are made up of freeway lanes; the 90 to the 405 to the 10, to the 110, to the 101. My white blood cells are headlights, my red blood cells are brake lights; stuck in traffic morning, afternoon and night. When I smile, it is your sunshine and glamour. When you cut me, I bleed purple and gold.
You are a tragically wonderful concrete jungle. You make my heart melt and then you make it break. When my heart cracks, sand falls to the floor. When my skin cracks, salt water pours. Your sun makes my skin bronze and my hair blonder. You make us all beautiful by association. You sparkle and gleam and blind me with your allure. All the while, you suck me dry -- like a vampire always thirsty for more.
We have had this love/hate affair for so long. Too long. We have done this destructive dance of drugs, drinking and rock n'roll. Of distractions and momentary motivations that pass as quickly by as the cars speeding to get anywhere, as quickly as possible. We have stayed up for days together, we have not slept, not rested. We have had adventures unmeasurable, that have turned into experiences and opportunities that I can never forget. You have taught me lessons of incomparable value, shown me things that exist no where else.
And you have tried to break me, destroy me, tie me up so I will never leave you. You have convinced me I am nothing without you. Every time I have escaped your clutches, you have lured me back with our outstanding moments, your one of a kind qualities, your culture and diversity. Whenever I get far enough from you, your waves grow hands and find me, to pull me back into your sea. You drown me then breathe life back into me. You abuse me only to console me. Your lights, your buildings, your streets, they always scream for me to come back. Your sadly blue, brown, grey sky tells me it will be bluer upon my return. Your rains cry my name whenever I leave, your rivers run dry.
It's going to be different this time, my love. This time, when I leave, you will not haunt me. You will be able to scream as loudly as you wish but my ears will be deaf to your pleas. You might be my first love, my only true love but I am ready to end this dance of ours and free myself once and for all. I will be back, from time to time. I will think of you often and dearly. I will cry for you like you cry for me but I will not come crawling back like all these times before. I will hold it down for you, I will represent you, I will take your teachings and make you proud.
Yet, it's time for you to let me go. I am a drifter that goes where life takes me. For now it will be Portland again, who you will have to share me with. Portland and it's serenity, beauty and kindness. With it's ease, it will take me in and hold me tight. Portland picks up the pieces that I always lose to you. Portland completes me. From there, who knows where I will go; bigger cities, smaller cities, East Coast cities, other countries - we will never know.
What I do want you to know is that you will always be my #1. I will always be back to see you, I will always thank you, I will always have you inked into my skin. Will you please always be there when I need you? Will you please stay the same? Will you please understand when I need to leave you again? Until then: Stay Golden, LA.
