Lately/Always

I've felt silent.
Muted.
Unmotivated.
Not nearly sedated enough to tap into the subconscious,
that screams at me all day.
I drown it out at work.
I have to focus.
There are so many things to say, to be written.
I find no comfort in speaking,
only writing. Only formulating.
There are times I wish I could fully disconnect,
from this life that causes me to be distracted.
To hustle and bustle around constantly,
instead of being able to stay in one place and ponder.
And wonder.
And alleviate my heavy mind.  To unload it all.
It's this perpetual cycle of eat, sleep, work, repeat.
It's this vicious cycle of keeping one from ones self,
and the thoughts and notions that come along with it.
I want to create by destroying what life truly exists of.
I want to recreate the things life was supposed to be made up of.
People have lost sense of what truly matters.
Of self awareness, of self progress.
At times, I lose sight of this too.
The bills take over, the payments take over, the cycle cycle cycle.
It is hard to be free,
just because there are no bars and no chains doesn't mean this isn't prison.